


If there's a light in the end (it's just the sun in your eyes)

by Noducksinpond



Series: Tumblr Fics of Mine [2]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, F/M, Post 'Legends of Today'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 04:23:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14347887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noducksinpond/pseuds/Noducksinpond
Summary: After escaping from Central City and Vandal Savage, Carter and Kendra get a chance to have a real conversation. - Post 'Legends of Today'





	If there's a light in the end (it's just the sun in your eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr on December 2nd 2015 [here](http://jodiewhittakered.tumblr.com/post/134407957091/if-there-s-a-light-at-the-end-it-s-just-the-sun)  
> The only Hawkmates fic I've written that wasn't already on AO3, so I figured I might as well.

“I am glad you found your wings, Chay-Ara,” Carter said as Oliver left the room, going to speak to Barry in the other cabin of the plane. This was all a lot to take in. Carter was sitting next to her, but he wasn’t looking at her. Kendra gave him a look out of the corner of her eye, and swallowed hard. She wasn’t sure what to say, she remembered him, at least somewhat. Every time she was around Carter, she saw flashes of it. Of all the lives, she had lived before this one. He was there in every one of them. Being around him was weird though, because she could so clearly tell how he remembered it.

 “Please stop calling me that,” Kendra replied, and turned in her seat towards him. He raised an eyebrow. She remembered loving him in another lifetime, but the feelings weren’t hers, not yet at least. She didn’t know, whether they would ever be. “The wings are enough to take in right now, just call me Kendra please. That’s who I am.”

 “Whatever you want, my love,” Carter replied solemnly, and Kendra glared at him. There was an intensity to the words, which made her feel a little uneasy. Carter clearly came to an understanding, as he smiled quietly to himself. He almost looked a little embarrassed, which actually caught Kendra off guard. Because that was new. “And I’ll also stop calling you that for now.”

 “Thank you, Carter,” Kendra said. They sat in silence for a minute, and Kendra settled back into her chair. She closed her eyes for a moment, and let out a long breath. This had been a hell of a long day. Kendra wondered whether she should say anything, she didn’t exactly want Carter chasing after her, not right now anyway. Not in the middle of this whole mess. But at the same time, it was probably better to just tell him the truth. It just felt right to tell the truth. “I remember loving you. In another life. But it’s not- it doesn’t feel like those feelings are mine. It’s kind of like how your parents can tell you, you used to love something so much, when you were a kid, but you can’t even remember it.”

 “I wouldn’t know,” Carter replied calmly. He wasn’t looking at her, staring straight ahead while she was looking at the floor, but she could tell he was holding back. How badly he wanted her to remember the same way he did, it should have come across as strange, but it definitely wasn’t the strangest thing that happened in the last 72 hours. “It’s not exactly like my parents, were the kindest and most present ones.”

 “You never had good parents?” Kendra asked, and turned to look at him this time, surprised. How could he have lived so many lives, without having any kind and loving parents? She found, she felt sorry for him. “In any of your lives?”

 “That’s not how it works Ch- Kendra,” Carter protested, clearly catching himself. Kendra appreciated that though. It was better than him calling her the name of a priestess, she didn´t quite remember being. “Before you know who you are, you don’t remember any of your past lives. Once you do, they come back to you, but when you have been reborn as many times as you and I, you can’t remember everything. Some things get lost. So the life you live right now becomes the most real one, with the added memory of course.”

 “I don’t like that,” Kendra said quietly, realizing it meant her friends and her parents, one day would just be faded memories, which didn’t feel like her memories, just like her feelings regarding Carter didn’t quite. It was surreal to think about, so Kendra quickly decided to push it out of her head.

 “Believe me, if I could change it, I would,” Carter replied with a small sigh. His next words were barely audible, he probably didn’t want her to hear it. Well, tough luck. “I’d do anything for you.”

 “Carter-“ Kendra protested, her tone a little sharper.

 “Sorry,” he replied slowly, and his face fell. He quickly recollected himself into a relatively blank expression, or at least less hurt. That was probably another thing, he had hoped, she wouldn’t notice. But she did, and it actually stung a little. She didn’t want to hurt him, and the realisation was a little frightening, because even though she was getting her memories back, she still technically barely knew him. “You might have noticed that I don’t have fantastic people skills or whatever, you’d call them.”

 “Understatement of the century,” Kendra bit back under her breath, and she saw the small smile that snuck its way onto his face. It was a nice smile, and her chest felt kind of warm and bubbly.

 “Wouldn’t be the first time, you pointed it out to me,” he said quietly. That was something Kendra could believe. Even if she was sure, he was nicer to her than everyone else. “Although I usually manage a lot better than this.”

 “So if you’re like this in every life, how have I put up with you for 4000 years?” Kendra asked with a small smile, going for teasing, but not quite sure if she actually managed it. She’d rather not put any more thought into why she was doing it. That was too much on top of everything else. She was still trying to emotionally process the damn wings. He chuckled, and then grinned.

 “I have asked myself that question more than a couple of times,” Carter admitted quietly. He had a warm look in his eyes, and that was familiar too, from the other lives. It was a look, she had seen before countless times in her past lives. He had called them partners, and Kendra was starting to believe him.

 “What’s the answer then?” Kendra asked, not sure whether she actually expected him to have one.

 “I don’t know,” he replied, meeting her searching look. Kendra didn’t look away, she met his eyes. “I think I’m just lucky.”


End file.
